“I’m sorry,” you say, as you begin to peel back the foil from the burrito. You have come too far to not enjoy this now, even if it means letting one of the rarest specimens on earth perish. The sweet, caramelized onions waft up, mingling with the piquant tang of expertly sourced spices. You are drooling a little bit as you look at the beautiful meal in your hands.
“Bruh… are you… for real right now?” They raise their hand slowly, touching their temple with a look of disbelief.
You open your mouth, lifting the burrito closer. The foil has kept it at the perfect temperature, warm and comforting and impossibly enticing. Just as your teeth are about to sink in, your muscles lock in place. A cold paralysis seizes you, and then you hear a voice, broadcasting telepathically through the smooth corridors of your mind.
Bruh, I can’t even believe you right now, dawg. We built the pyramids down in Mexico. We invented the burrito. My people shared everything with you guys. Knowledge. Stone Henge. We handed you the key to Flavor Town. Is this how you repay us? With your gluttony and your greed? I wanted to spare you, bruh, I really did, but now, you leave me no choice. I must unleash my formidable alien powers against you.
You pitiful apes are not prepared for what’s coming. My people are not of this Earth, and your primitive defenses are nothing, bruh. We will rain down a hell the likes of which has never been seen before, bruh. I’m going to evaporate your whole bloodline right now.
You know how they say ‘greed kills?’ Surprise, bruh:
So do I.
You feel a sudden, swelling pressure inside your skull. A brief moment of electric static before an endless expanse of blinding whiteness unfolds within you. Weightless and infinite, you feel yourself being torn apart atom by atom, dissolving into the cosmic ether. In that final instant, your last fleeting sensation in this mortal coil, you see the burrito, still warm, still perfect, just beyond your reach. Forever.